Developing and Growing Your Marriage

1. Have a personal growth plan.

Growing in a relationship has nothing to do with engagements and weddings. Ask yourself some simple questions. Do I like to grow? Do I like to read? Do I like to learn? Do I like to study? Do I like to develop?

If you answered most of the questions “Yes”, make sure you marry someone who shares your passion for growing. You either desire it or you don’t desire it. And if you don’t desire to grow, go find someone who doesn’t want to maximize their life either and marry them. Choose someone you can watch TV with the rest of your life and in your final years wonder together how life passed you by.

In most cases, three years into a relationship you will look at your mate and say; “That is not the person I married” and you will be right. People change. People grow. Dallas and I have been married 32 years ago and we are not same people who stood at the altar in that little ol church in Odessa and said ‘I do.’ Life is not a static experience. Life is a growing experience. Have a personal growth plan.

2. Become best friends.

If you are going to really grow together, you have to like each other. It has nothing to do with sex. It has nothing to do with chemistry. Great sex is critical to a healthy, vibrant martial relationship, but without friendship, both the sex and marriage will wither.

3. Discover what you enjoy together.

Decide on things you both like to do. I am amazed at the number of marriages where the guy goes one way, the wife another and they each have their own friends. I think it is wonderful to have your own friends, but that should be a secondary, not a primary part of your life and certainly not at the emotional expense of your spouse. I have heard some couples say their marriage survives only because they live totally separate lives. That is an arrangement, not a marriage.

4. Develop what you enjoy together.

Not only discover what you enjoy together, but whatever it is, do it together often. Dallas and I enjoy working out together, attending sporting events, shopping at COSTCO, cooking a healthy meal, going to the movies and splurging at Taco Bueno. We enjoy going on short trips so we can visit and catch up while we drive. We enjoy watching two or three TV shows a week and we enjoy the mornings when I read the bible to her while she is getting ready for work. Discover what you enjoy together and do it.

When our children were small, one of us would have to stay at home when the other had a business trip. The one who traveled would come home and tell about their adventures. We vowed as the boys got older, we would travel together so we could share the experience together. Today we follow each other all across the Unites States supporting and enjoying each other as we hone and share our professional skills.

Personal Note: One of the ways Dallas and I grow is through reading. Many ago I was working on a marriage and family series. Dallas was reading one of the many research books I was using to stimulate message creativity. She underlined a few passages and wrote a note or two in the margins. I was at the office, studying and writing and I came across one of her margin notes. One of her comments was “Come home big boy.”

I read for another 10 minutes and thought “What am I doing here?” So I packed it up and told my assistant to cancel my appointments. “I have to make a pastoral visit.” And I did. It was the best pastoral visit I ever made!

I told that story when preaching that partiuclar series back in the day. Sherra, my assistant, got several phone calls from wives wanting to know what book pastor Owen was reading. For your information, it wasn’t the book, it was the comments in the margin. :-)

I can give you a manual on how to have a good marriage and how to grow close, what works and what doesn’t work, but the marriage that lasts is determined by what you practice………when you get home. So click off this blog and get to practicing!

I love you church family,

Rick

June 11-12, Change The World Weekend

The end of year school bell and “Graduates, flip your tassels” sends most churches into slow down mode but not St. Matthew! The business of The Kingdom never goes on Vacation. God never slumbers or sleeps and he expects his church to do the same 365 days a year.


There are countless opportunities for all ages on our summer calendar to serve, grow and enjoy fellowship. Click to our website http://www.stmatthewcpc.org/ to view the menu and get on board.

We begin the summer months this weekend by launching our first annual Change the World weekend. Churches all over the world are pushing beyond their walls to impact their community and June 11-12 is our opportunity to join the movement.

For the past five years we have been sending mission teams to Mexico, Ethiopia, the Gulf Coast, blighted neighborhoods in Oklahoma, Arizona and Mississippi. Every week groups head up I -35 to the Women’s and Presbyterian night Shelter. Annually we collect school supplies and help provide Christmas to our area neighbors who find themselves in hard times.

This weekend, we mobilize the entire congregation for one hour of service in our local community. Imagine the impact of 1,000 hour of Community Service in one weekend!

Join the movement by registering on our website or simply showing up this weekend ready to go to work. Dress casual for worship and be prepared to be deployed for one hour. Single, married, families, small groups it matters not from which you come, just come. There will be opportunities for all ages, including those who have health limitations. Some will stay in the building and write letters, others will be sent out to pick up trash, others to perform minor repairs.

I am proud of being part of a congregation who chooses to put their faith into action and I know that God is going to be honored and people blessed through our efforts. Join the movement. Join the fun. Join the effort to Change the World by sharing the love and grace of Jesus Christ with as many people as we can this weekend.

“Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me."                                                                                                                  Jesus > Matthew 25:40

I am looking forward to seeing you this weekend.

Rick